“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches. May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty. When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer. Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age. Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit. May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers. Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait. O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed. And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it. And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes. Amen.” -Tina Fey
While looking for tattoo pictures I stumbled onto that somewhere in the intweb, I laughed. Funny, I heard she was a comedian.
Guess what! (Note that is an exclamation point and not a question mark; that should indicate I’m about to tell you the answer without you having to ask; ie: A rhetorical question.)
Joss Whedon has filmed Much Ado About Nothing! And if that weren’t enough to make me stupid happy the ridiculous couple of Beatrice and Benedict are going to be played by Amy Acker and Alexis Denisof – that’s right, Angel‘s doomed couple of Fred and Wesley. Be still, my softly weeping heart.
Joss Whedon is responsible for how I viewed women at an early age. He successfully protected me from the angry poison of feminism while still empowering me to be bad-ass woman who dates who she wants, doesn’t take crap, and kicks vampire but. I watched Buffy every Tuesday night at the impressionable age of 13 quickly followed by Xena… I may have been overly violent as a teen.
In one of my “I live with my parent’s again” times of life, we watched Firefly. I had already seen the show, however as punishment for making me a Second Generation Trekkie, (as in I am the second generation), I hushed my dad’s “What’s a Space Cowboy?” questions and we got together once or twice a week and watched The Captain and crew. My dad still sings “Find me a horse! Find me a gun, I won’t rest until I’m done!” loosely in the tune of The Ballad of Serenity by Sunny Roads.
I’ve watched pretty much anything Joss has done over the years. I enjoy his snappy dialogue and the way he fleshes out a character to the point of realism. You can almost see the family like atmosphere he creates on his set between the crew. I am so happy to see the cast of characters in the upcoming Much Ado; it looks like a family reunion. Here are the one’s I recognize; there are about four more who I don’t from various Joss films etc.
Pass the popcorn.
I’ll see you two later.
I would like to dedicate this post to IMDB.
Anyone out there absolutely LOVE Vonnegut? And then simultaneously realize sometimes you just can’t handle him? Moi. Over here; right here. Ya. I think, was he for real? And then I remember how I felt the first time I read about Bokonists pressing one’s feet against another’s….
Whatever pilgrim! I didn’t come here to talk about the Kurt.
(I’ve been watching a lot of Family Guy. I’m seriously stuck on Peter’s John Wayne impersonations….Pilgrim.)
Find running shoes: start couch to 5k.
Decide on and put a payment on a wedding band from Tiffany’s.
Hike to the West Coast, take pictures as proof. Start garden.
Celebrate last birthday as a “single” lady. Go to SanFran with BFF.[Amended to "Seattle w TF"]
Throw a kick ass, stress free party for all my friends so they can watch me get married. Live the moment; you only get married for the first time once.
Paint a picture. I chose to garden instead…also I still haven’t unpacked therefore can’t find my easel.
Read a book I’ve put off from the NYR/2011.
8.) Make a sour dough starter. Keep it alive forever.
9.) Harvest. Cultivate. Enjoy.
10.) Make epic costume.
11.) Bake every weekend. Of just this month… maybe.
12.) Go to Sudbury for Christmas.
Me either, however things are shaping up pretty darn awesome. Well this little update was basically just for books! I count books on
tape iPhone as a book read. I just do, so get over it.
This last two months I have devoured five books and I’m on my sixth. I love Miriam Toews, so I read two of hers. A Boy of Good Breeding, funny and entertaining. Irma Voth, tragic and beautiful. I still count The Flying Troutmans as my favorite of her books. I really read those ones, with pages and everything.
I’ve listened to Crime and Punishment, Paradise Lost, and now I’m on Middlemarch. Here’s something I had to pull over to write down it got me so good.
“We mortals, men and women, devour many a disappointment between breakfast and dinner-time; keep back the tears and look a little pale about the lips and in answer to inquiries say, “Oh, nothing!” Pride helps; and pride is not a bad thing when it only urges us to hide our hurts — not to hurt others.”
End of chapter 6
So I once went to this stag party. There weren’t many people there that I knew and it was a full on drunken camping weekend in the reeeaaly hick part of the Island. I was actually scared my tent and I would get run over in the middle of the night, so I parked it behind some trees that were behind an over-sized truck, then stole the keys to said behemoth that spoke plainly of it’s drivers complex.
My good friend was getting married, she and her soon to be husband decided to celebrate together and throw a huge camping extravaganza on a lake. This over the top party contained kegs, (and subsequently many keg stands), potato guns, quadding, overloaded boats desperately trying to pull tubes full of inebriated humans, and my favorite memory, a man in a mexican fighting mask walking around like a zombie at 7 am. There was a guy who bit the head off a live fish people, this was a bachelor/ette weekend I’ll never forget.
The reason I will never forget, is because I was too damn scared to get wasted. Thank heavens. I knew precisely four humans there, and they were all sorts of irresponsible; so I hung out with the dogs.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t lame or anything; I wasn’t a wallflower, I had all kinds of fun. I sat in beach chairs in the lake and drank beer from 7:00-23:00 PST, I just drank responsibly. There was no mixing, there was no tequilla, and there was absolutely no …. Mary Jane as my mother likes to call it. And, when the party would get out of hand, I’d move off to the tent and make sure Odin, the Great Dane, had supper and kept me warm.
My good friend and her husband broke up a while ago. I was sad as he was my favorite dude for her. She is now with the fish head biting man… she likes to keep it real. Me, if I”m uncomfortable at a party, or decide I’ve conversed with drunk adults long enough, you’ll find me hanging with the cat/gerbil/dog/horse. And that’s exactly why my honey of a girlfriend sent me this picture on Facebook, and tagged it as me.
Embrace thyself, and animals.
This is the first night we spent on our USA road trippin’ honeymoon. We spent the evening looking at Vancouver Island, in a VW. Rock on
I have been so M.I.A. this last month that I have SO much fun stuff to write about! So much, in fact, that I can’t remember any of it.
For starters, I got married in May. I threw, (we threw), a kick ass, stress free, party for our friends to watch us get hitched. Cross #5 off the New Years Resolutions list. Apparently I have to paint a picture for June; you may or may not get an update of that. But – straight after the wedding we did what you would expect. Took off.
McHusband and I drove to the coast of Oregon said hi and then drove to Portland. We spent a good quality 38 hours there. We shopped vintage pendelton, went to the worlds largest and coolest bookstore, (where I got pretty lost somewhere in the purple room? Orange level?!), and we ate at this super cool place called The Fish Grotto.
There’s no sales tax in Oregon, score! Score quite a bit thank you very much. Some Nike, a rose gold Kenneth Cole watch, a pair of 20 year anniversary edition Vans for him, and much more. The one thing we should have bought and didn’t we both have un-buyer’s remorse over.
If I wasn’t trying to post this on my new iPad I’d guarantee there’d be a cool pic to go with that link; check back tomorrow I’ll sort it.
Chrome is a super company who makes messenger and other bags for all you cool pedal and motorized biker people out there. There’s some ultra aqua proof material and a seatbelt styled clip that doubles as a bottle opener. It’s the most Canadian American bag ever. We both need one.
So! We’ve just, (two seconds ago), decided to take the bikes to Portland and buy two of the bags. Grey for me green for him. We’ll make a day of it, buy beer and ride home.
Ain’t love grand?
Well, it’s officially here – marriage.
Things that have immediately changed:
- Status from “Spinster” to “Married”. True story, look carefully while signing your marriage registrar. (AKA Ms. to Mrs.)
- Weird yet simultaniously awesome “Married” feeling.
- Place of residence.
- Gas bills ++$$. Drive to work from home is now 65 km instead of 6km.
- Number of rings now on ring finger, (2).
- Email address, and online username.
- Pictures of wedding up on FB.
- Dress size, +1. I’m sure it’s the bliss of married life, I need to get over it.
Things in the process of changing:
- actual and legal name changing; SIN card, Care card, VISA card, Drivers Licence, Passport, Library card.
- Garden. I have a house now, time to spruce it up.
- Professional photos being worked over.
- Many “Welcome to our happy home” dinners. 1 down, 99 to go.
- Dress size, -2. Time to get scared again.
- Signature; I’m working on it.
Now just because this is still a book blog… sort of;
- I have read 1-15 of The Walking Dead volumes – zomberific!
Best thing about choosing a short dress for my wedding besides the fact that short dresses rock? The Shoes.
Real leather and so comfortable and soft I could just die of happiness. So I never planned my wedding as a child, so what? I had no idea it was an amazing excuse to buy kick ass shoes! Things may have been different if I had known that.
Enjoy your week people!
I am a geek. Most often I am also a nostalgic geek.
This week I moved offices. I had to pack up all my stuff and move it 30 feet dog leg to the right. (I love my new office because it has a window, and that is all I will say on the matter.) As I moved, I found my stack of Buffy the Vampire Slayer comics, and I dusted off my limited edition #0734 of 1000, ”Tooned Up”, Buffy Summers, “End of Days” statue. It was a gift from TF before he was even TBF. We were meant to be. I thought about what Electric Tiki may have come up with in the past three years, and just like that I was surfing the web – that’s when I found it.
I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the batteries that are not included, I am the raspberry seed you can’t floss out, I am a special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show, I am the low ratings that cancel your program, I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks, I am the smoke that smokes smoked oysters, I am Darkwing Duck!
It took every ounce of adult power in me to not buy this little guy for $99.99, or the Rescue Rangers. I had to repeat the mantra “You are turning 28 on Sunday, you are a mature and responsible person, you are less than 15 years away from 40.” So I quickly exed out of the window and texted my brother Tim. “I am the terror who flaps in the night! I am the termite who devours your floorboards, I am the fingernail that scrapes the black board of your soul, I am the headache of the criminal mind!! I am ________ ______! … Name that hero” He instantly replied “Darkwing Duck…. Come on. Give me a challenge.” Point taken.
To anyone who misses Saturday Mornings with the Disney Channel; Here’s to Launchpad McQuack and Mr. McD, here’s to The Rescue Rangers – mostly Gidgit, as they didn’t let their tiny stature stop them from most human tasks, here’s to Goofy and Donald Duck, may they ever be battling the clock that wouldn’t just take a bath quietly, here’s to Pluto and Mickey, Talespin and my huge crush on an animated bear named Kit Cloud Kicker, oh and “Fire at the Sea Duck!” Here’s to me, wishing I was 9 and stuffing my face with Captain Crunch cereal and whistling the tune to The Goof Troop.
Now, Suck Gas Evil Doers!
There are many reasons why I love riding a motorcycle. Triumph North America asked me to do a survey yesterday via their Facebook page. It asked me many questions about riding and it made me think. Unfortunately as I do not yet own a Triumph many of the questions on ride ability and gas consumption I simply had to select “no opinion”; however when it asked me to describe Triumph in three words from a provided list I chose “Classic”, “Quality”, and “Rebel”.
Even though I felt like a cheat taking the Triumph test as it asked me why I owned a Virago and not a Boneville, ($$), I still felt cool just being able to take the survey at all. How do you feel when riding a bike pick one; ‘dangerous’, ‘free’, ‘calm’, or ‘like Steve McQueen”. Personally I feel about half way between calm and free.
I can’t be fully calm as my Virago is, how do you say, dangerous? Maybe. TF refuses to ride it. I’m looking into replacing the front disk brake as it’s warped and when I brake the whole front end bounces up and down. But she’s my gal Friday! She’s the only bike I’ve really ridden and I love her. My Bike is one of the reasons I love to ride motorcycles. Really, if I could have filled in my own answer instead of chosing from the list I would have written “When I ride my über cool black bike with no windshield, in my black jacket and silver helmet, I feel like a street ninja. But like a retro, 50′s ninja”.
This morning on my way to work, in my truck mumbling to myself about how I should have taken the bike even if it were raining, I discovered an amazing advantage of bike vs. truck. You see, I passed a hitch hiker. I always feel guilty when I see them at the T on my way to work. I’m going like 700m down the road and I know that they don’t want me to stop but they don’t, they just glare at me as I drive past trying to not make eye contact. I love being able to pick up hitch hikers when I’m travelling down Island, I want to shout out the window “good luck”, “get you next time”, or something else to ease the guilt. But, if I were on a bike?? Oh baby. I’d be thinking, “oh ya, you wish you were me, I know I know… I’m cool.”
I love being able to say I ride a bike, I love riding my bike. It’s a guilt-free pleasure, it’s open road with no room for dogs or passengers, it’s the ulitmate selfishness with no bad after taste. Take that Triumph.